“The first aim of the prepared environment is, as far as it is possible, to render the growing child independent of the adult.” ~ Maria Montessori
Eloping is an old word being used in a new way to describe a child spontaneously leaving the classroom without adult permission or supervision. For those of you who have been teaching for a while, this word once meant two young children getting married on the playground. In short, it’s a pleasant word that describes a behavior that can send a lightning bolt of fear and panic through any teacher—especially if the exit goes unnoticed.
I personally like escaping better, but that might leave one with the impression that we are containing children in the classroom, rather than preparing an environment that develops curious, joyful, lifelong learners.
My first year as a teacher in a Children’s House classroom was a wake-up call in many ways, after previously serving as an elementary and adolescent guide. One morning, at the end of the work cycle, we made our daily transition to circle after the children put their work away. Our meeting was short and sweet, and I ended circle by reading a book to the children.
After a couple of pages, I heard a knock at the door behind me. That door was only used as an emergency exit and led directly to the parking lot. When I turned around, I saw three-year-old Antonio on the other side of the door, asking to be let in.
I froze. I could only hope the children didn’t notice the absolute horror on my face. To this day, I still don’t know how he escaped—I mean, eloped—from the classroom.
After the children transitioned to the playground, I called Antonio’s parents, embarrassed, to let them know what had happened. I was surprised by how calm their response was. “Oh yeah, that’s Antonio.” I didn’t say what I was thinking, which was, “Why didn’t you tell me!?” I was incredibly lucky that Antonio was safe and that his parents weren’t as upset as I was.
Antonio was the wandering type. He was young, still getting used to being in a classroom environment, and not yet clear about the boundaries of being at school. The school was in rural Maine, where it wasn’t uncommon for children to go outside unsupervised—like “the good old days.”
Children elope for a variety of reasons, and those reasons matter. Antonio’s eloping was largely developmental—driven by curiosity, movement, and an immature understanding of boundaries. The behavior itself was alarming, but the motivation behind it was not rooted in distress or conflict.
Not all eloping looks like Antonio’s, however. For some children, leaving the classroom is not about exploration, but truly about escape – a real cause for concern. In these situations, eloping may be driven by a perceived need to avoid a challenging situation, a heightened response to sensory input, overwhelm, defiance, dysregulation, communication limitations, impulsivity, or social distress. Children with developmental differences or disabilities are particularly prone to eloping as a response to these factors, especially in children with ASD (autism spectrum disorder) (Anderson et al., 2012).
Another boy in our school, Andrew, who was highly sensitive to peer criticism, would bolt out of the classroom if he felt embarrassed or criticized by a peer. This behavior became dangerous on a number of fronts. He was older and more capable, and one time he started walking down the road the school was on after leaving the classroom. The behavior was far outside the community norms, and both teachers and students were afraid for him—and afraid of what else he might do.
Positive Discipline, grounded in Montessori principles, guides us to respond to eloping by strengthening relationships, adjusting the prepared environment, teaching the skills a child needs to remain safely engaged in the community and maintaining kind and firm limits.
Eloping in the Classroom Through the Montessori Planes of Development
Toddlers (Under 3 Years) – In the first half of the first plane of development, children are in the sensitive period for movement, independence and sensory exploration. Elopement is most often an expression of those developmental characteristics, not a misbehavior, or intention to escape. Eloping may appear as spontaneous movements, moving away from the group during transitions, leaving the classroom or proximity to adults to explore sensory input, sudden running or jumping without full understanding of physical limitations, potential injury or social norms. These are typical behaviors for young children developing their gross motor functions (Assmann, Kaese, Neumeister, & Disselhorst‑Klug, 2019). Children who are more sensitive to sensory overwhelm are more likely to elope to escape rather than to explore.
Children’s House (3-6 Years) – During the second half of the first plane of development, as children move into the conscious absorbent mind, they remain in the sensitive period for developing independence and their conscious will. (Eliot, 2009). At the same time, they are increasingly able to make choices with an understanding of cause and effect and are developing greater social awareness, along with an emerging sense of their place within the community. As a result, eloping in this plane tends to become more purposeful, although some younger children may still wander as a way of exploring. Elopement may present as running from the group toward a desired activity (such as outside time), leaving the area when dysregulated, walking away from the group to explore an interesting object or activity, exiting group settings, or walking out of the classroom to familiar areas of the school or to access personal belongings (cubby, locker, etc.).
Elementary (6-12 Years) – In the second plane of development the developmental tendencies include a new focus on social relationships, increased independence, rational thinking, moral reasoning and their social identity within the classroom community. Eloping may manifest as leaving the classroom without permission, lingering in community spaces, staying in outdoor areas after transitions, avoiding supervision, “disappearing” to avoid responsibilities, physically running away from social conflict or distress (like Andrew), feigning illness, or finding “legitimate” reasons for exiting the classroom or a group activity.
Adolescence (12-18 years) – In the third plane of development, adolescents are focused on forming identity, seeking autonomy, and navigating social acceptance. They are highly sensitive to interactions they perceive as threatening their reputation, values, or sense of agency—all central aspects of who they are. As a result, eloping at this stage often reflects a struggle for respect for their beliefs and their right to express themselves freely. Elopement may present as leaving the classroom or campus in anger, increased absences from school, becoming “invisible” within the classroom, walking away from adults or peers as an act of protest, disengaging from community activities, refusing to attend school, or “hiding in plain sight” through technology use. Adolescents are most likely to elope in these ways when they feel invalidated, misunderstood, rejected, or controlled (Marston, et al, 2010) —and especially when they experience negative relationships at school. (Chen, et al, 2024).
Preparation of the Montessori Guide and the Environment for Elopement
- Gross Motor Preparation – Toddlers and young children need freedom of movement, exploration and gross motor activities. Be sure to incorporate as many opportunities as possible for gross motor development in classrooms with young children (stair climbing, balance beams/boards, walking the line, a small running area, pickler triangle, climbing elements). Child-sized exercise equipment can work well for young children in the Children’s House classroom.
- Heavy Work– “Heavy work” is a term used by occupational therapists and special educators to describe meaningful gross-motor activities that involve pushing, pulling, lifting, carrying, or squeezing—natural forms of physical work in a child’s environment. These activities provide strong proprioceptive input (the body’s awareness of movement and position), which helps organize and calm the nervous system and supports self-regulation. Research suggests that proprioceptive processing is significantly associated with emotional regulation, indicating that supporting this sensory system may improve regulation challenges (Riquelme et al., 2024). For a child who elopes, intentionally plan opportunities for heavy work throughout the day. Examples include pushing a library cart, washing windows, sweeping, moving furniture, carrying nap mats, mopping, or carrying a bag of outdoor equipment.
- Reduce and Soften Visual Stimulation – Children who are sensitive to sensory input are prone to dysregulation which may result in elopement. To reduce visual stimulation, consider reducing the use of overhead lighting and using lamps, keep shelves simple and uncluttered, use warm but minimal wall decorations, incorporate plants and use natural materials (baskets, trays, containers) vs. hard and brightly colored plastic whenever possible (see Dysregulation article for further discussion).
- Teacher Positioning – Two factors for factors are at play here: safety and reducing visual stimuli created by adults. For safety purposes, consider creating a comfortable area near classroom exits where you can work with individual children and small groups, thus positioning yourself where you can intervene with an eloping child. For reducing visual stimuli, arrange the classroom so you can have a clear sitelines throughout the classroom to manage the classroom with your eyes (see PWS and non-verbal signals under General Responses).
- Transition Planning – Transitions have often been called “controlled chaos”, but this doesn’t need to be the case. Take time to create a transition plan with you teaching partners. Be sure the plan includes adult positioning, adult roles, predictability and consistency, gradual transitioning schemes, timing, and support for children who find transitions difficult or overwhelming. One of the most important considerations when planning for transitions is to ensure that the adults are “fully present” during the transition (not transitioning themselves) to provide a sense of security for all students.
- Class Meeting – Class Meetings, in general have a strong impact on an intangible element of the classroom environment – they help children experience a sense of belonging, significance and agency. When children feel like they belong and are an important part of the community they are encouraged towards positive and constructive behavior. This is acutely true with elementary and adolescent students.
- Order – One of the most important byproducts of order in the Montessori classroom, whether it be in the way we give lessons, the positioning and display of materials on the shelves, our routines and transitions, or the way we decorate our classrooms, is a sense of predictability. Predictability is a cornerstone in the building of self-regulation. When one can predict, with some certainty, what comes next, they can make independent decisions on how to respond internally and externally to the given situation. (see articles Let Routines Be the Boss and Transitions).
- Outdoor Environment – Can leaving the classroom be a solution rather than a problem? While not all of us live in Southern California or another temperate climate, where it is much more practical to develop the outdoor environment as an extension of the indoor environment, we can get creative in preparing areas outside of the classroom or school building for students who will be supported by being outside. Provide elements for meaningful “heavy work” outside, create an area where children can take a “run break”, plant a garden that needs tending, and use the outside environment to give botany, zoology, geography and history lessons whenever possible.
- Positive Time-Out Area – The Positive Time-Out area provides a warm and comfortable area within the classroom for children to “cool down”. It supports self-regulation by providing the children intentional self-chosen time and space to recenter themselves. Consider semi-transparent elements (mosquito netting, carefully position shelves, etc.) that provide privacy for a dysregulated child. It’s important to remember that it can take up to 20 minutes for a dysregulated child to regain self-control.
- Noise Reduction – Along with softening and reducing visual stimuli, make accommodations for reducing audio stimuli. Rugs, curtains, areas designed to invite quiet work, felt pads for furniture legs, acoustic panels, and designated areas inside or outside the classroom for quiet work – if possible.
- Community Support – When a child has a tendency to elope—whether from curiosity, avoidance, or dysregulation—it is rarely a one-time event. Thoughtful preparation matters. Responding safely requires the support of the entire community, not just the classroom teacher. Bring everyone into the conversation: office staff, faculty, support personnel, and others who share responsibility for the campus environment. Identify which students may be at risk and clarify how to respond, in order to create predictability of response. Predictability lowers stress—for adults and for children alike.
Grace and Courtesy Lessons That Prevent Classroom Elopement
Eloping is rarely resolved by tightening control. Grace and courtesy lessons—proactively taught and practiced—help children develop the tools they need to communicate overwhelm, take space safely and respectfully, use their personal power appropriately, and remain part of the community even when distressed. Communication and self-regulation skills are deeply connected. Research suggests that the development of communication skills predicts later capacity for self-regulation (Ramsook et al., 2020).
- Recognizing Overwhelm– Teach children Daniel Siegel’s “Brain in the Palm of Your Hand” model. (A lesson can be found in Positive Discipline in the Montessori Classroom, pp. 161–163.) Help children notice: What does your body feel like when you are overwhelmed or when your “lid is flipped”? What does your mind sound like?
- Pausing Before Reacting– After helping a student build awareness of their emotional state, teach concrete strategies for pausing before reacting. These might include walking to another area of the classroom, using the Positive Time-Out Area, deep breathing, slow counting, placing a hand on the heart and waiting for it to slow, or doing a body scan (intentionally noticing different parts of the body).
- Recognizing Classroom Boundaries– For young children who elope by wandering due to distraction, exploration, or attraction to something outside the classroom, explicitly teach the physical boundaries of the room. Consider adding natural barriers that do not interfere with emergency egress and marking boundaries near doors. Walk with the child to the boundary, consciously stop together, and show them what to do—turn around, pause, return—rather than focusing on what not to do.
- Asking for a Break– Role-play how to ask for a break when overwhelmed or beginning to withdraw and wander. Teach younger children specific language, such as, “I need a break.” Brainstorm appropriate wording with older students.
- Asking for Help– Identify common triggers for withdrawal from the community—specific situations, times of day, interactions, or relationships. Discuss what support the child needs in those moments (offer ideas if necessary) and teach the specific language they can use. For example: “I need help talking to Thomas.”, or “I need help cleaning up the movable alphabet.”
- Asking for What You Want– Teach I Language or Bugs and Wishes. These structured communication tools help children set boundaries with kindness and firmness. Bugs and Wishes, typically used with younger children, might sound like: “I don’t like it when you sit so close to me. I wish you would move over.” I Language, often introduced in elementary, might sound like: “I feel angry because you said you would work with me and then you worked with Lorna. I wish you would work with me when you say you would.” Teach these skills to all children.
- Nonverbal Communication– When a child is already dysregulated, verbal communication may be compromised. Work together to develop nonverbal signals to request help, ask for a break, or indicate they are using their Escape Plan (see Escape Plan and Wheel of Choice below). Practice these signals during neutral, regulated moments.
- Leaving Gracefully– When implementing an Escape Plan, practice how to leave the classroom without drawing unnecessary attention. Preserving dignity during a stressful moment makes re-entry easier. Consider walking rather than running, using a nonverbal signal to indicate departure, and following a pre-established route.
- Returning Gracefully– Help the child identify what regulation feels like: What does your body feel like when you are calm? What does your mind sound like? Create and practice a predictable re-entry routine. This may include checking in with the teacher (verbally or nonverbally), finding a seat in an ongoing group, returning to previous work, or joining the class outside.
Positive Discipline in the Montessori Classroom Responses for Eloping Behavior
- Escape Plan– An Escape Plan is exactly what it sounds like: a plan for leaving the classroom when a child feels overwhelmed. The plan should identify a specific, supervised space the child can go to when they need to leave. Keep it simple. Determine which areas of the school consistently have an adult present to provide supervision. Involve the child in choosing a location that is safe and secure. Practice the plan with both the child and the adults involved. Develop a nonverbal signal the child can use to let the teacher know they are leaving for that space. Finally, establish a clear communication plan between the classroom teacher and the adult receiving the child (phone call, text, intercom, etc.) to ensure continuity and safety. For some children, just knowing they have a plan to “escape” will reduce or eliminate eloping.
- Wheel of Choice – Identify antecedents for dysregulation together. Discuss ideas about what to do when the child is feeling overwhelmed or dysregulated and decide which ideas to add to their own Wheel of Choice. Practice those ideas at a neutral time – when the child is calm and regulated. If the child needs support when they become dysregulated or overwhelmed, simply hand them their Wheel of Choice and say nothing.
- PWS – A calm and confident adult is much more likely to redirect an eloping child than a reactive adult. Reminding, coaxing, explaining or directing can heighten dysregulation or startle a wandering child, increasing the likelihood of elopement. Practicing Presence, Warmth and Silence lets the child know you are there, you care, and you are aware. Give a knowing smile and just be there with the child. It’s amazing how this breeds a sense of security and provides the freedom within limits that allow children to self-correct and solve problems independently.
- Non-Verbal Signals – Adding a few predetermined non-verbal signals to Presence, Warmth and Silence, will allow for direct communication without heightening the reaction of the adult or the child. Remember, non-verbal communication represents a far greater proportion of total communication than verbal interactions do.
- Redirect to Useful Task Proactively – Children (and adults) are hard wired to contribute to help others (Warneken & Tomasello, 2006). Identify the child’s strengths and when you notice a child moving towards elopement, ask them for help with a truly meaningful task. Useful tasks that incorporate “heavy work” provide the additional benefit of calming the child’s nervous system and support self-regulation (see above).
- Communication Board – For older children, consider creating a communication board or chart that they can use to express their feelings and work to determine what they want or need in a given situation. Use a simple I Language model: “I feel _________, because ________, and I wish/want/need _________.” The act of writing this out supports regulation.
- Observe to Encourage – Specific and focused encouragement is one of your most impactful tools when supporting a child who elopes. Observe for small movements. When you notice improvement – observing a classroom physical boundary, using a previously taught self-regulation tool, or just staying in the classroom during a challenging moment – record your observation. Later, share your observation, in detail, with the child, and share your appreciation for their efforts.
- Classroom Buddy – Work with the child to identify a friend (or friends) who can serve as a classroom buddy. If the child has been eloping due to overwhelm or dysregulation, include the buddy in gently reminding their friend to follow the dysregulation plan you’ve created together. For a younger child who is wandering or exploring, pairing them with an older buddy can provide the younger child with friendly peer support and offer the older child a meaningful opportunity to contribute.
- Outdoor Breaks – Outdoor breaks can make a big difference for an eloping child. Consider scheduling them to provide a predictable time to leave the classroom to give the child the opportunity for a “reset”, or a time to explore constructively. Sometimes, just knowing a break is coming helps children to regulate their responses to environmental stimuli. Over time, reduce the breaks as the child adapts to the boundaries of the classroom.
- Class Meetings – Involve students in discussions about eloping. It can be unsettling for the other children when a classmate runs from the classroom, so it’s important to acknowledge this openly. Work together to brainstorm what they can do if they see a classmate leave the room and how they might help a child who seems overwhelmed. When children know they have agency and can take developmentally appropriate steps to be part of the solution, they have the opportunity to discover just how capable they are.
- Transition Plans – Transitions are a particularly difficult time for all children – and adults (see Transitions). It is a time when the chances for elopement are increased. Consider creating an individual transition plan with the child – involving them in the discussion and planning. That might include starting their transition before or after “the rush”, or forewarning the child of upcoming transitions, having the child help with the transition (ringing the bell, helping the teacher or classmates, etc.).
- Let Routines Be the Boss – Consistent routines support predictability in the environment. Predictability supports self-regulation—when a child can anticipate, with some sense of certainty, what is coming next, they are better able to prepare both externally and internally. There is no time when consistent routines are more important than when you have a child who elopes, especially if the behavior is related to dysregulation or overwhelm. Create a routine chart together – make sure it is visible and accessible to the child.
- Decide What You Will Do – Take a moment and consider what you can do if the child elopes or attempts to elope. Inform the child what you will do. When the leave or try to leave the classroom, simply act without talking. For example, you might say, “I’m worried when you leave the classroom when you are upset. It’s not safe. We made a Wheel of Choice together. If you are trying to leave the classroom, I will come to get you and will hand you your wheel. I won’t say anything. I’ll just wait for you to make choice from the wheel. When you’re ready, you can just hand the wheel back to me. You don’t have to say anything, either.” When the eloping happens again, just follow-through without talking.
Mistaken Goal Responses for Elopement in the Montessori Classroom
A misbehaving child is a discouraged child.” (Dreikurs, 1964).
When children feel supported and encouraged in the classroom environment, and they know they belong (are loved) and feel significant (through responsibility and contribution), they thrive. With guidance, they develop kindness and respect for others and themselves and discover how capable they are.
When children feel discouraged, they misbehave, because they have a mistaken belief about how to belong and feel significant. As Rudolph Dreikurs observed children, he identified four mistaken goals that children adopt when they feel discouraged.
Below, you will find practical ideas for helping to support positive change for the behavior of eloping for each mistaken goal. Some of the General Responses, above, are included and aligned with mistaken goals below.
Undue Attention (Notice Me – Involve Me Usefully): Children whose mistaken goal is Undue Attention may elope or attempt to elope in order to be noticed, to keep others busy with them, or to obtain special service. The long-term belief shift is toward the belief, “I belong and matter even when I’m not the center of attention.”
Responses: Develop a daily Special Time ritual to foster trust and connection, especially if the child elopes when dysregulated. Calmly return the child and then resume the previous activity—process later, if needed. Involve the child in a meaningful task that serves others. Create routines with the student. Respond kindly and firmly, with few words and a neutral tone: “Stop. Walk with me.” Avoid public drama and address the behavior privately. Problem-solve with the child and then follow through with few or no words when the child breaks the agreement. Notice the child when they are not misbehaving. Avoid heightened responses to elopement. After an elopement, during a neutral time, use Conversational Curiosity Questions to process the event.
Misguided Power (Let Me Help – Give Me Choices): Children with the mistaken goal of Misguided Power may elope to demonstrate personal power, agency, and control over their decisions and actions. Eloping can be effective to this end, as it forces the adult to react and disrupts the adult’s plans. The long-term belief shift occurs when the child experiences that they can use their influence in respectful and useful ways—ways that lead to belonging and significance.
Responses: Acknowledge their power in the situation: “You’re right, I can’t make you stay. But I would appreciate your cooperation.” Make a plan with the child using the Wheel of Choice—during or after elopement, approach the child with Presence, Warmth, and Silence, and hand them their wheel. Avoid commands and directives. Use Limited Choices (two for younger children and three or four for older students): “You may work outside in the garden, help me prepare for our lesson, or take some time to cool down in the Peace Area. Which do you prefer?” Use Decide What You Will Do (see General Responses above) and follow through without talking. Ask for input. Put the child “in charge” of meaningful tasks—not people—during high-risk moments. Avoid threats, lectures, and physical restraint—all lead to increased power struggles in the long term. Use the Four Steps for Follow-Through to problem-solve, make agreements, and follow through without talking.
Revenge (I’m Hurting – Validate My Feelings): Children whose mistaken goal is Revenge are likely to elope when they feel hurt, rejected, or embarrassed. “You hurt me, but I won’t let you see it. I will hurt you back!” The long-term belief shift we are working toward is: “It’s OK to feel hurt or angry. My feelings matter. I can solve my problems without hurting others. I belong.”
Responses: Look for opportunities to develop a sense of belonging—warm greetings, shared laughter, and simply listening. Avoid punishment, public correction, and taking behavior personally. Use Reflective Listening to validate feelings, both proactively and responsively when the child is upset. Teach simple expressions of hurt feelings: “I don’t like that. Please wait your turn.” Stay emotionally neutral—warm yet firm, with few words. Sit beside the child without talking if they are dysregulated—this can help prevent elopement. Develop an Escape Plan (see General Responses) with the child. Focus on consistency of response among adults— inconsistency fuels perceptions of unfairness and can result in revenge-seeking behavior. Validate feelings before redirecting. Follow through with Presence, Warmth, and Silence.
Assumed Inadequacy (Don’t Give Up on Me – Show Me a Small Step): Children with the mistaken goal of Assumed Inadequacy believe they cannot belong, so they give up. A child may elope to escape the real or perceived experience of failure, imperfection, or overwhelm. Giving the child a series of small successes that lead to larger successes can shift their mistaken belief toward a more constructive one: “I am capable, and I belong even when I make mistakes.”
Responses: Develop connection and trust by showing faith in the child’s abilities. Observe to Encourage—focus on micro-movements (see General Responses above), effort, and process. Provide kind and firm encouragement: “Let’s take this one step at a time.” Avoid false reassurance and praise such as, “You can do it!”, “This is an easy one,” or “That’s awesome.” Take time to teach the child how to recognize overwhelm and how to ask for help—either verbally or with nonverbal signals. Isolate the isolated difficulty—break small steps into even smaller steps. Lower the immediate task demand without reducing the overall expectation: “Let’s build two words now, and then we can finish the work after lunch.” Directly teach observed lagging social skills one-on-one. Validate the struggle without rescuing: “Yes, things feel really hard sometimes.” Create and practice transition routines privately if transitions lead to overwhelm and elopement. Teach “yet language”: “I can’t do this… yet.” Support challenge by choice by offering choices within the child’s ability: “Would you like to start with a one-digit or two-digit multiplier?” Teach the child how to take a break when overwhelmed and how to return when regulated. Avoid pity and comparisons.
The Rest of the Story
Antonio’s eloping took some time to redirect. Although he was three, he still had many toddler characteristics and spent a great deal of time physically exploring both the classroom and outdoor environments. Because we felt his eloping was primarily developmentally driven, our first step was to increase supervision—both direct adult supervision and environmental supervision—to ensure his safety during moments of exploratory curiosity.
In the spirit following the child, we began adjusting the environment to meet his need for gross motor exploration. This included introducing activities such as a balance beam, walking the line, table washing, hand washing, sweeping, and more. He absolutely fell in love with carrot washing, cutting and serving his classmates!
Finally, we asked for help—from the children. Antonio had a buddy each day outside and during transitions. He loved the support from older children, and they had the opportunity to contribute in a truly meaningful way. This was no ceremonial classroom job; it was real. After a few months, Antonio was no longer a “flight risk.” He loved coming to school, and we loved having him.
Antonio’s story highlights the importance of responding to a concerning behavior by first looking at development and environment, rather than assuming willful misbehavior. When we met his needs and engaged the classroom community, the behavior resolved naturally over time.
Andrew’s situation, however, required a very different approach. He was eleven years old, and his dysregulated reactions were a real safety concern for him and others. The underlying dynamics were not primarily developmental.
Andrew’s teacher, Karen, identified his mistaken goal as Assumed Inadequacy—meaning he operated from the belief that he could not belong unless he was perfect. This had shown up academically when he was younger, but now it was emerging socially. When Andrew perceived criticism, it confirmed his belief that he didn’t measure up, and he became dysregulated, particularly in group settings. That’s when the risk of eloping became high.
Where Antonio needed increased supervision, support and opportunities for physical exploration, Andrew needed help understanding what was happening internally—and support in finding safer, more effective and respectful ways to respond.
Karen’s next step was to work with Andrew to identify the antecedents to his aggressive exits from the classroom. He confirmed what Karen had observed: he felt hurt and angry when others corrected him in front of the group. Karen then worked with him to generate a few possible responses for moments when he felt embarrassed, and they practiced them together. Responding with humor quickly became his favorite strategy.
They also collaborated on creating an Exit Plan – a designated place outside the classroom Andrew could go if he felt so angry that he needed to leave. He chose another classroom with a teacher he felt strongly connected to. Finally, Karen encouraged Andrew to share his struggle at a class meeting. When he did, the results were striking. His classmates hadn’t realized he felt criticized by them, and they genuinely wanted to help. Many validated how difficult it can be to feel criticized by friends and offered empathy along with ideas for what he could do in those moments.
As I’ve seen with other students I’ve written about, once Andrew had a designated place he could “escape” to when he was dysregulated, he used it only once or twice. Knowing that he could leave turned out to be more important than actually leaving.
References
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